didnot sleep

sometimes its good not to sleep and face everything.. dumb dumb..

i just want to be happy

what is happening? Ive been seeking for happiness but it is nowhere to be found. Or if not all for a price. And the price is too great, too painfull. No kidding, happiness never gets tired of running away from me. Stupid!
Everyone in this mystic world is in search for this element, this treasure that is said to be free.

i am alover of that

well i am a lover. a lover of so many things. i am not to be considered a polygamous person for loving to many things for in the first place those that i love are inanimate objects. I do love my friends and that would not be counted foul. Why? who could tell me not to love your peers? Who in this world would not do such.
They make my vain world colorful and pulls me from bitterness. Refuge. That why i AM A LOVER.

i'll forever be alone. got to watch the sunset on my own. things never came colorful. black and white, hues of grey. emblem of sorrows. marks of insanity.

im jealous

jealousy is as cruel as the grave
piercing to the crippled soul
separates you from life's sea
a spring of sorrow
in that depression have bee my sanctuary
in there the grey side of me is the safe side
i'm living in hollowed things
no sense a great waste
grief had been my heart's countenance
memoirs became cure
look beyond my misery
laugh over pain
the heart brats in anguish
emotions of mist

love grey
Shadowy yet Faint

MA_URAN

the rain pours
the wind proves its strength
a great calm was felt thereafter
faintly the moon shines
dark clods in array conquer the night sky
no single cricket made a sound
neither i heared a bark of a hound
only dtroplets of water touched my sense
a sunder in my soul
this is the world of worlds
where man keeps silent as the grave
yet, peace have been so elusive
man like puppets, deaf and mute
justice a history
until eyes are opened
no grace for humanity

Making a mistake is inevitable
pros and cons, inseparable
Hell moments and downfall
intensifying superb mad call
You become a simpleton
Soliloquy had been your solution
digged yourself, thoughts you ponder
but vagrancy remained
You're a numb wanderer

reflection ?

i caught myself looking at the mirror.
Seeing my reflection-my true self
i was filled with scars
These I know are marks of the past
once let me bleed furiously
pillars of foolishness and stupidity
Here remained with me
things once carved me so painfully
deceit and infamy.

I cant believe that after all what life thought me, it still found its way to let me experience pain. Too much pain that causeed my spirit to lose hope and even faith. No silver lining, all in shade of black and tyhen goes faint... now in Grey.
Everydy things get worse, it all makes me sick. In each area doom is present and working dominantly.
Loneliness, silence, indept cry had been my song. they took away the life, corrupted my fetal mind, broked my hearth. now all left is ME just me there crying in the dark. Trying to FORGET everything...

but a Fantacy

the place is so wonderful
The aura and ambiance so cool
violets there abound
a paradise on eathly grounds
I was dancing to my hearth's desire
the joy I felt was an unquenchable fire
You and me, the most perfect thing
You and me, i have everything
Then i felt hostility
broked my silence and tranquillity
suddenly you were no longer there
Im losing you, its too unfair
You're so far, I cant reach
between you and me, a great ditch
a rear mirror of truth
a deafening mute
They took me away from you
put me into a elancholic mood of blue
seeing you afar multiplies the pain
i just can't untie from this chain
I can't stand it
life is ruthless
happiness vagueness
all seem to be a phantom
Why cant I be with you
why cant i be there
why cant i love you
why cant i care
love is obsurity
binds people so mighty
blinding them from reality
too BAD it is ALL but a FANTACY.

dYing young

I know when to aceept, I know when to let go and I know just when to HANG ON....

Yes I am dying. I am now becoming a living corpse. Walking, talking cadaver. I should be past visited by my distant friends and relatives. Being apreciated over a pack of bisquits and a cup of coffee... or just maybe some sugar-coated candy.